Figuring out my life, one laugh, one step, one roadtrip of a million stops at a time.
[For those wondering, my blog will have Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Disney, fashion, architecture, food....things I adore, admire, appreciate and I hope my followers do as well. :) ]
Always with a backdrop of magic. It exists everywhere. Now if only spellbooks actually were useful...
He made it with filmmaker and BLM activist Sol Guy and you wouldn’t know from the title, but it’s actually a short film, not a documentary, about Darren Wilson being a fucking liar.
Tumblr completely erasing the work of a Black activist/artist while simultaneously finding ways to slander an LGBTQ Jewish person at the same time due to literally not bothering to find out what the film was about in the first place? I’m shocked.
tbh the real advice I’d give to anyone is, do shit alone. go to a museum & go at your own pace & leave the instant you’re done. go somewhere you’ve never been and just wander around, duck into & out of places as it pleases you. linger as long as you’d like.
Parents Picking Their Child’s Name: Eh, I like the way it sounds. Sure.
Writers Picking Their Character’s Names: What genre is it? How old are they? Active or passive? Blood type? Country of origin? Is it a family name? What does the name mean? Is it pretentious? Is it not pretentious enough? Can it be used as a metaphor? What position was the planet to the stars at the exact moment of their birth? Is the name gay enough?
Alternatively-
Writer: Looks around room. Spots a can of Lysol on a table.
“The great king Lyson, ruler of the nation of Tablelria…”
I’ll never forget the last in person conversation I had with with a woman I was on and off with for years because whenever there was an issue, she would just stop talking to me for months at a clip.
At one point she straight up blocked me and bragged to mutual friends about it. Friends went to me and told me to move on and that it’s her loss. Her and I didn’t talk for 2 years. In that time, I moved on to the point of getting married. Soon after I got married, she popped in to see if I was single still and lost her shit when she found out I had gotten hitched.
She tried to convince me to get a divorce and called me and idiot for getting married in the first place.
The best part… When she asked why I didn’t wait for her to “come around”. I told her she gave me no choice but to move on when she blocked me.
This was her answer: well a block is only temporary. You should have just waited for it to end then hit me up!
Yeah…. I’m so glad I didn’t.
fuck those people who play these games
People who play these games should be kneecapped
My dad nearly fell into this trap. He was engaged to a woman who would go silent for a while after an argument. Dad finally told her, “Either you’re by my side or you’re not. I’m not playing these high school games anymore. If you love me, talk to me. Otherwise, we’re done.”
He ended up marrying another woman who never played games with him and helped his better side come out.
This advise can go for anyone out there: if your SO is doing this shit, tell them to cut it out or you’re leaving. And follow through on that threat.
Get you a significant other who has good communication skills and will resolve problems together like a fucking adult
“Every syllable in every law in your Reich calls you a liar. I’m a Jew in love with another woman.”
“We will still be here. We survived Egypt and we survived Masada. And if you cut us down, you are coming with us.”
“Families of Berlin! Take down who you can. The rest of you…run.”
“Ten thousand years is gonna fall –like ten tons of bricks.”
Miri: “They want me to hate that I am a Jew. But I am proud. What they think is a sinful thing is what makes us strong. I can remember that I come from so much courage and so much strength. They will never make me ashamed.”
Kate: “Where I’m from I never…I know this is in my blood but I don’t know the words. It’s just a part of who I am. I don’t know the prayers. I don’t know the stories…”
Miri: “I can tell you the stories. Maybe there will be stories about you one day.”
Kate: “Or you.”
One of the women: “Barukh atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha’olam…”
Kate: (smiles)
source: DC Bombshells
(that last scene made me cry a little bit because I’d never seen my religion portrayed like this)
(i suppose this is dedicated to everyone who’s still saying that being jewish isn’t an important part of who Kate Kane is.)
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to helpyou leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
YOU ARE IGNORING THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF DEALING WITH THE FAE THE LANGUAGE USED
THE SIMPLE ACT OF ACCEPTING OFFERED SEX PLACES THE ACCEPTING PARTY IN DEBT
American sex ed is taught like Dolores Umbridge’s Defense of the Dark Arts class.
“Why would you need to know about sex? If you aren’t having it, there will be no need for protection”
okay but this is the most accurate thing i’ve ever seen? amazing.
“I must not tell lies? But telling girls who aren’t virgins that they are as worthless as a dirty sock is bullocks! Are the boys worthless too? Or just the ones molested by their uncles? Ouch!”
[If you found my blog because you’re curious about Greek people mixing up prehistoric bears and demigods, this post is for you. I studied archaeology with a focus on other things, and the research on this topic goes back decades, but imo the best book on how dinosaur bones influenced mythology is Adrienne Mayor’s The First Fossil Hunters. I strongly suggest you support this amazing historian and buy her stuff - she’s a great writer and she specializes in folklore and geomythology, it doesn’t get much cooler than that - but if you can’t and you’re interested in the subject - well, I believe scientific knowledge should be shared and accessible to everyone, so here are a few highlights. Part one of six.]
Griffins: a very mysterious mystery
“A race of four-footed birds, almost as large as wolves and with legs and claws like lions.”
The one thing you need to know about griffins is that they don’t really fit in anywhere. They have no powers, they don’t help heroes, they’re not defeating gods or anything like that. Technically speaking, they’re not even monsters - people thought griffins were legit - real animals who lived in Central Asia and sat on golden eggs and mostly killed anyone who went near them. And okay, someone might say, ‘Frog, what’s fishy about that? People used to be dumb as rocks and there’s plenty of bizarro animals out there, anyway’ and yeah, that’s a very good point - except for one thing. See, what’s creepy about griffins is that we’ve got drawings and descriptions of them spanning ten centuries and thousands of miles, and yet they always. look. the. freaking. same.
Like, here’s how people imagined elephants.
This is insanely funny and probably why God sent the Black Death to kill everyone, but also pretty common tbh, because a) people want to feel involved, b) people are liars who lie and c) it’s hard to imagine stuff you’ve never seen. So the more a story is passed around, the more it’s going to gain and lose details here and there, until you get from dog-footed hairy monkey of doom to plunger-nosed horror on stilts. But griffins - art or books, they’re consistently described as wolves-sized mammals with a beaked face. So that’s what made Adrienne Mayor go, Uh.
And what she did next is she started digging around in Central Asia, because that’s the other thing everyone agreed on: that griffins definitely lived there and definitely came from there. And this is where things get really interesting, because as it turns out, on one side of the Urals you’ve got Greeks going, ‘Mate, the Scythians, you know - they’ve got these huge-ass lion birds, I’m not even shitting you rn’ while on the other side of the Urals - wow and amaze - you’ve got Siberian tribes singing songs about the ‘bird-monsters’ and how their ancestors slaughtered them all because they were Valiant and Good.
(This according to a guy studying Siberian traditions in the early 1800s, anyway, because you know who writes stuff down? Not nomads, bless them: dragging around a shitload of books on fucking horseback is not a kind of life anyone deserve to live.)
And anyway, do you know what else those Mighty Ancestors did? They mined gold sand, and they kept tripping over dinosaur bones because that entire area is full of both things and some places are lucky like that. And in fact, the more excavations were carried out in ancient Scythian settlements, the more we started to realize that those guys were even more obsessed with griffins than the Greek were. Hell, some warriors even had griffins tattooed on their bodies?
And it’s probably all they ever talked about, because that’s when griffins suddenly appear in the Mediterreanean landscape: when Greek people start trading (and talking) with the Scythians.
(Another important note here, not that I’m not bitter or anything: something else those excavations are showing is that Herodotus was fucking right about fucking everything, SO THERE. Father of lies my ass, he was the only sensible guy in that whole bean-avoiding, monster-fucking, psychopathic and self-important Greek ‘intelligentsia’ and they can all fuck off and die and we don’t care about temples Pausy you dumb bitch we want to hear about the tree people and the Amazons and the fucking griffins goddammit. Uuugh. /rant)
So anyway, Scythian nomads had been hunting for gold in places with exciting names like ‘the field of the white bones’ and basically dying of exposure because mountains, so Herodotus (and others) got this right as well: that successful campaigns could take a long-ass time, and very often people just disappeared, never to be heard from again. What everybody got less right: the nomads and adventurers and gold miners weren’t killed by griffins, because by the time they started traveling into those mountains, ‘griffins’ had been dead for hundreds of thousands of years. What they did see, and what was sure to spook the fuck out of them, were fossils - and, more precisely, protoceratops skulls, which can be found on all the major caravan routes from China all the way to Uzbekistan and are so ubiquitous paleontologists call them ‘a damn nuisance’.
And guess what they look like.
Just fucking guess.
[Left: a golden griffin, Saka-Scyhtian culture; right: psittacosaurus skull, commonly found in Uzbekistan and the western Gobi.]
Also, fun detail if you’re into gory and painful ways of dying: many of the dino skeletons are found standing up, because the animals would be caught in sand storms and drop dead. So basically you’d be riding your horse and minding your own gold-related business when all of a sudden you see the empty sockets of a beaked something staring at you and yeah - as a reminder, the idea of evolution was not a thing until Darwin, so any Scythian or Siberian tribesman seeing something like that would assume there was a fairly good fucking chance of a live whatever-the-hell-this-is waiting for him behind the next hill. And that’s what he’d say to Greek traders over a bowl of fermented mare’s milk: to stay the fuck away from those mountains, because griffins, man, they’re fucking real and there’s hundreds of them and anyway, maybe write that down if writing’s something you’re into, never saw the point myself but eh, to each his own, right, and cheers, good health, peace and joy to the ancestors.
Man, don’t you just love mythology?
(How fossils influenced mythology: part two, Cyclops, will be up soon.)
just as I promised in one of the previous posts, this is somewhat of a relaxation project where I don’t go into too much details, just having lots of fun.
here’s a Cerberus, he’s a good boy(s) :p
here’s some of Hades/Persephone chemistry, like I stated on twitter, this is why I can’t write romance. I just can’t help myself not to make silly jokes XDDD
Figuring out my life, one laugh, one step, one roadtrip of a million stops at a time. 
